Newsflash. Jamie Lee Curtis has regular, comfortable bowel movements and you can too! All you have to do is buy the conspicuously green packaged “poop yogurt” as it is commonly referenced and try to enjoy the runny mess.

Activia yogurt famously promises to help maintain a healthy and regular digestive system due to it’s seemingly unique infusion of a natural culture we haven’t exactly heard of before. Or have we? Bifidobacterium animalis, or as Dannon refers to it, bifidus regularis for us Americans or for those in the UK bifidus digestivum, promises to help regulate and maintain a healthy digestive tract, enabling you to go more comfortably. Why would a bacteria need to be named differently in two English speaking countries? Trademark and marketing reasons. The words regularis and digestivum are really just lame advertising ploys to get you, the consumer to believe that Dannon’s brand of yogurt is the only food out there to provide you with it’s special strain of bacteria. I have a question though… why would you readily eat a unique strain of bacteria only found in, of all things, Dannon yogurt? Yeah, when you think about it, you probably wouldn’t be lining up for an Oscar Mayer wiener packed with a unique strain of bacteria, would you?

Now for some education. We (along most other mammals) already contain the gram-positive bacterium in our large intestines, and yes, maintaining a healthy diet inclusive of foods with the probiotic can make for much more comfortable and regular visits to the porcelain throne.

What also amazes me is the hearty sum of Americans who seem oblivious to the number of BETTER TASTING/ not so runny foods which contain the same beneficial probiotics. Let me share a little secret with you. Greek yogurt is thick, delicious and kind of amazing.

My favorite, Chobani Greek Yogurt is packed with not one or two, but five different types of live and active cultures including… you guessed it, bifidobacterium animalis, the same bacteria found in Activia. You wouldn’t know it though thanks to Dannon’s advertising morons. Digestive tract aside, Chobani’s straining process leaves the yogurt packed with whey protein. So not only will you poop regularly, but you’ll also maintain a healthy immune system AND help keep your muscles lean and strong.