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I have a confession to make. I may have been mild to moderately obsessed with the Olsen twins since I was a toddler. Even when I was a child, my friend Katie and I would play detective while mimicking those awful straight to video detective films starring MK and A.

While I still appreciate the latte-drinking twin moguls, I have to address something that has been bothering me for nearly twenty years concerning Mary-Kate and Ashley. Really, I want an answer to a question that has boggled my mind since I was about five.

The Olsen Twins were born on June 13, 1986. Yours truly was born on June 13, 1987. For funsies, we’ll state the fact that Tim Allen was born on June 13, 1953. Anyways, in the epic film To Grandmother’s House We Go, the twins give a character Eddie their birth date to buy a lottery ticket, with which he ends up winning the jackpot. They tell him they were born on June 13, 1987, not 1986. I have always been annoyed by this. Is six years old really less cute than five? If so, what are we telling children? To get started early on the proactive plastic surgery? Is that what we told the Olsen twins? Is that why when someone mentions MK and Ash, the only things that pop into my mind are Heath Ledger, Ambien and Klonopin? Surely the latter two are only because I am currently obsessed with Elaine Carroll’s inspiring web series Very Mary-Kate, but still, I’m convinced that Hollywood’s decision to make those poor poor millionaires lie about their age so young is what spawned the uber twins to become what we know them as today; disgustingly rich, dazed and confused.

Shame on you Hollywood!


 

 

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